Your opinion of me is none my business, I live for an Audience of One (paraphrasing The Apostle Paul.) "We live by FAITH, not by sight...we make it OUR GOAL to please Him." 2 Cor 5:7,9 NIV
Why, O Why, do we REALLY do what we do?
We sometimes get so busy that we forget "our Whys."
We stop stopping, to ask why: What’s my TRUE motivation here?
Just like the Energizer Bunny, we just keep going and going … putting one Nike-clad foot in front of the other, running … in a hurry, but WHY, toward what end?
Sometimes my motivations are obvious.
Sometimes they are hidden in some dark recess of my heart.
Sometimes I’m not even sure what I’m up to...OR why I'm up to it!
How can this be? It’s my brain, my heart, my life… I'm in control of myself, right?
I used to believe I was in control of…well…everything, everyone, and pretty much whatever was going on around me. I looked around and saw that life was good (and if it wasn't, I fixed it.) Yep, I had set myself up as my own God. But, if a relationship went haywire, or if a big deal started to tank, I’d think, O God help me, beam me out of this mess, (mostly though, I relied on me, just adding the God-talk for extra insurance.)
I’m a people-pleaser by nature, toss in my sales & marketing background and I can be quite adept at manipulation. No big, bad lies, mind you… just careful, colorful wording to better-illuminate my key points, be relate-able...speak the language' of the audience at hand, set the stage, sugar-coat any ugliness, be selective with the facts when the whole truth may be 'complicated or unpleasant.' Why all this “massaging of words,” rather than straight-talk?
Because I had a desperate need to be loved and respected, didn't want to offend or alienate anyone. We all want to be liked, but my need was a 12 on a scale of 1 to 10. And I didn't even see it! I just thought hey, I like people and people like me! OPO (Other People’s Opinions of me) formed the core of my self image. If someone didn’t like me, then I must be a failure, so I'd better get busy, do whatever it takes to win them over.
You may be thinking, hey I think I do that too, hmmm maybe I’m an OPO-addict too? Is there a 12-step deal for this, what books should I run out and buy? There is ONE BOOK that changed everything for me. I started reading it about 10 years ago when Jesus came into my life. He is The Change-Agent. He began a major remodel on me the instant I said yes to Him; but, change in the area of OPO has been gradual... 3 steps forward, 10 back! When I start looking around instead of up for feedback, I'm sunk. That old familiar trap door opens and in I fall, unless I stop and ask The Lord to give me His strength.
I have had seasons of walking so closely with Him, reading His Word daily, then for some stupid reason I start self-directing again. Can Jesus change everything about a person upon their acceptance of Him? Yes, but for most of us acceptance is just the 1st step of a life-long process. Every morning the decision is ours, to yield... or not.
Strong-willed women require extra helpings of grace. On yielded days, days when I am still, and remember that He is God… then, I know for sure that His Opinion of me is the only one that matters. He is The Lord of my life He has an everlasting love for me, and He says that I am His Treasure, His Pearl; and He is mine. God wants to hear from me and help me. It seems too good to be true, but I know that it is True….not just for me, but all who seek His Face.
When I start wondering what people think of me, I open my Bible to one of Paul’s Letters. Paul achieved worldly success as a young man; then traded it all for the cause of Christ. Paul concluded that other’s opinions did not matter a hoot…and,not only that, he said OPO, other people’s opinions of him were none of his business. How about that! His only care was Christ… how freeing!
What if we all spoke the Truth, simply and lovingly... without defending ourselves, or manipulating others? What if we all truly lived for Christ Alone, An Audience of One!
Lord, let people's opinions of me be none of my business.
Lord, let pleasing YOU be my business and the motivation for everything I do.
1/23/09
1/13/09
24/7
Do you have a TV program that you love to watch? Since I live in an all-male household, much of our family viewing is testosterone-driven. I watch a lot more blood, guts, and action than I would ever elect to watch on my own.
Case in point: my husband, son, and even the dog….all love 24….
For the first few TV Seasons I resisted watching, choosing to read a book in another room as I abhor violence on TV. But, I’d loose my train of thought as that annoying, high-decibel digital clock on the show would blare before every commercial. AND, what a rip-off! it’s like they took that ticking 60 Minutes stopwatch and put it on steroids. O, maybe that's the point? But 60 Minutes informs us about our world; and with 24 there’s no redeeming value! Right?
Then, I would overhear my husband say, “Wow 24 is amazing, this show makes my heart race!” And our son would reply, “Yeah, in other TV shows they don't pick off the main characters; but on this show you never know who’s getting blown up next, no one is safe!” (oh, great, I d say to myself, just great!) Even our dog, Jackson, would sometimes charge at the TV, as an unexpected explosion would shatter the silence. This would result in hysterical laughter as the dog would run to the front door, searching for the cause of the noise. Then, they’d all settle back into the couch with their comforters, loving life and enjoying an evening of TV together…. without me!...(without un-compromising, stubborn, lonely-in-the-living room, self-righteous, me.)
Lord, I don't like violence on TV, but I want to be with my family, help me, what should I do?
1- First, let me say, that bending and compromising can be a bad.
Wanting to be “in with the in-crowd" can pull us into a world of hurt ... drinking too much, sleeping too little, over-eating, unchecked spending. We warn our kids about peer pressure; then, there we are trying to keep up with the Jones’s! I guess it never changes; but, here’s how it starts: something we would normally abhor, we begin to tolerate… just a little... because we don’t want to miss out, or be made fun of...and so we reluctantly go along...and before long we are joining in... seduced, trapped, possibly imprisoned by a bad habit.
This is not what I am talking about here
2- Are there good compromises we are called to make? Have you made many lately?
When is the last time you put personal preference aside for the sake of another? Ever gone fishing with your husband, even though worms make your sick? My husband loves to BBQ, it relaxes him after working all day and makes him happy to cook meat, so I go with it; although I eat more of the salad & veggies, that a whip up to go alongside the carniverous entree. And, with our son, I have stopped complaining about his messy bathroom, because, well, I want him to really hear me when I have a serious complaint, and not be nagging 24/7. And, the dog, yes, many bad habits, but I choose to overlook annoyances, because he just loves me so much. The Apostle Paul, tells us that love does that...love overlooks offenses, love causes us to put the needs of our family first.
Last night I realized that I have turned a corner and gone from tolerating 24 to actually enjoying 24! (Yep, Jack Bower, Chloe, and Bill how can they be the only ones left at CTU? and, that FBI Crew what a bunch of clueless agents! Should the new President intervene in the African genocide? The moral dilemmas presented in that show have been running through my mind all day.) I truely can’t wait to see what happens next. Yes, there's some violence; but there's violence displayed on 60 Minutes and CNN and in our world right now.... look at me, here I am defending 24, I am a convert, now!...but, I can't take credit, God did it.
I believe this is how God’s promptings work. Often we don’t really want to compromise our time and volunteer at church, or chip in to help a neighbor; often we want to watch what we want to watch, do what we want to do; but when we are obedient to God’s Will He often brings unexpected pleasure out of what we thought would be a chore. Our God is a God of surprises and hidden treasures. He amazes me continually!
I guess that PEACE AND CONTENTMENT do begin at home, hanging with the fam watching 24 instead of doing my own thing. Here’s a scene from last night, the cinema of my life:
My 60 lb. dog sits on my lap, as if he were a toy poodle, except he sheds, has bad breath and blocks my view of the screen, (but, I do love him dearly, he just wants to be with me!)
My thin husband plops down beside me with a bag of cookies, offering me bites of food that'd destroy all my work at the gym, (but, I do love him dearly, he just wants to be with me!)
In comes my son drinking a Diet Pepsi, the last one in the house. I thought I had hidden behind it behind the tomato juice….I say nothing, (because I do love him dearly, and he knows not what he does! I was saving that soda for me) O well, I wouldn't have it any other way…. Life is sweet and God is so Good! He helps me overlook offenses, (especially when the vast majority are not intentional.) We are all just trying to love each as best we can.
Lord, You just want to be with us, and You want us to stay tuned to Your Channel. Teach us to stand unwaveringly for YOU, prompt us to be flexible with others, especially family. Keep us looking up for answers. Help us make small Godly choices in our home, help world leaders with big the big decisions facing them today on this planet of ours. I wonder whether 24 isn't closer to the truth than some of the stories covered on 60 Minutes. Teach us to pray in all things and to look for the unexpected rewards that follow obedience to Your Will. Take us on a delightful detour as we get out of our own way and learn to walk by Faith with You... we ask this 60 Minutes of every hour, 24 Hours of every day...tuned in to you continually each moment of every week... ticktock, ticktock... direct us Lord, 24/7.
Case in point: my husband, son, and even the dog….all love 24….
For the first few TV Seasons I resisted watching, choosing to read a book in another room as I abhor violence on TV. But, I’d loose my train of thought as that annoying, high-decibel digital clock on the show would blare before every commercial. AND, what a rip-off! it’s like they took that ticking 60 Minutes stopwatch and put it on steroids. O, maybe that's the point? But 60 Minutes informs us about our world; and with 24 there’s no redeeming value! Right?
Then, I would overhear my husband say, “Wow 24 is amazing, this show makes my heart race!” And our son would reply, “Yeah, in other TV shows they don't pick off the main characters; but on this show you never know who’s getting blown up next, no one is safe!” (oh, great, I d say to myself, just great!) Even our dog, Jackson, would sometimes charge at the TV, as an unexpected explosion would shatter the silence. This would result in hysterical laughter as the dog would run to the front door, searching for the cause of the noise. Then, they’d all settle back into the couch with their comforters, loving life and enjoying an evening of TV together…. without me!...(without un-compromising, stubborn, lonely-in-the-living room, self-righteous, me.)
Lord, I don't like violence on TV, but I want to be with my family, help me, what should I do?
1- First, let me say, that bending and compromising can be a bad.
Wanting to be “in with the in-crowd" can pull us into a world of hurt ... drinking too much, sleeping too little, over-eating, unchecked spending. We warn our kids about peer pressure; then, there we are trying to keep up with the Jones’s! I guess it never changes; but, here’s how it starts: something we would normally abhor, we begin to tolerate… just a little... because we don’t want to miss out, or be made fun of...and so we reluctantly go along...and before long we are joining in... seduced, trapped, possibly imprisoned by a bad habit.
This is not what I am talking about here
2- Are there good compromises we are called to make? Have you made many lately?
When is the last time you put personal preference aside for the sake of another? Ever gone fishing with your husband, even though worms make your sick? My husband loves to BBQ, it relaxes him after working all day and makes him happy to cook meat, so I go with it; although I eat more of the salad & veggies, that a whip up to go alongside the carniverous entree. And, with our son, I have stopped complaining about his messy bathroom, because, well, I want him to really hear me when I have a serious complaint, and not be nagging 24/7. And, the dog, yes, many bad habits, but I choose to overlook annoyances, because he just loves me so much. The Apostle Paul, tells us that love does that...love overlooks offenses, love causes us to put the needs of our family first.
Here's the BIG QUESTION: How do we know when to stand our ground, and when to compromise our position so that we align with others, uphold them, and keep the peace?
ANSWER: We pray about it. We ask God to help us, show us, enable us to stand tall or bend our stiff necks. We have supernatural help available to us, but we do need to ask for it.
I believe that God wants us to be engaged with our families. I am "girly," I don't like a lot of "boy stuff" but I want to be with my family as much as I can. When I stopped to ask God about the stuff they like on TV, I believe that He confirmed that I should be with them. And, when we are in His Will, He does not dissapoint us. It may take time, but he rewards those who anchor their trust in Him.Last night I realized that I have turned a corner and gone from tolerating 24 to actually enjoying 24! (Yep, Jack Bower, Chloe, and Bill how can they be the only ones left at CTU? and, that FBI Crew what a bunch of clueless agents! Should the new President intervene in the African genocide? The moral dilemmas presented in that show have been running through my mind all day.) I truely can’t wait to see what happens next. Yes, there's some violence; but there's violence displayed on 60 Minutes and CNN and in our world right now.... look at me, here I am defending 24, I am a convert, now!...but, I can't take credit, God did it.
I believe this is how God’s promptings work. Often we don’t really want to compromise our time and volunteer at church, or chip in to help a neighbor; often we want to watch what we want to watch, do what we want to do; but when we are obedient to God’s Will He often brings unexpected pleasure out of what we thought would be a chore. Our God is a God of surprises and hidden treasures. He amazes me continually!
I guess that PEACE AND CONTENTMENT do begin at home, hanging with the fam watching 24 instead of doing my own thing. Here’s a scene from last night, the cinema of my life:
My 60 lb. dog sits on my lap, as if he were a toy poodle, except he sheds, has bad breath and blocks my view of the screen, (but, I do love him dearly, he just wants to be with me!)
My thin husband plops down beside me with a bag of cookies, offering me bites of food that'd destroy all my work at the gym, (but, I do love him dearly, he just wants to be with me!)
In comes my son drinking a Diet Pepsi, the last one in the house. I thought I had hidden behind it behind the tomato juice….I say nothing, (because I do love him dearly, and he knows not what he does! I was saving that soda for me) O well, I wouldn't have it any other way…. Life is sweet and God is so Good! He helps me overlook offenses, (especially when the vast majority are not intentional.) We are all just trying to love each as best we can.
Lord, You just want to be with us, and You want us to stay tuned to Your Channel. Teach us to stand unwaveringly for YOU, prompt us to be flexible with others, especially family. Keep us looking up for answers. Help us make small Godly choices in our home, help world leaders with big the big decisions facing them today on this planet of ours. I wonder whether 24 isn't closer to the truth than some of the stories covered on 60 Minutes. Teach us to pray in all things and to look for the unexpected rewards that follow obedience to Your Will. Take us on a delightful detour as we get out of our own way and learn to walk by Faith with You... we ask this 60 Minutes of every hour, 24 Hours of every day...tuned in to you continually each moment of every week... ticktock, ticktock... direct us Lord, 24/7.
1/9/09
Timeless Resolutions- Colossians 1:9-14
This morning I find myself mesmerized by Paul’s letter to the Colossians. He makes a list of things he desires for his friends in the coming year and he shares it with them.
~Perhaps he secretly wished they’d loose a few pounds, get to the gym, stop smoking, get organized, spend time with family, bathe more, curse less...
(but he did not write to them about that.)
~Perhaps he hoped that they’d get their finances in order, stop seeking jumbo loans, tear up their credit cards, start shopping at Walmart, and sell the boat....
(but he didn’t tell them that.)
~Perhaps, because Paul saw that time here is fleeting, finite, and filled with trouble, he chose instead to focus on what truly matters... eternal stuff...
(he wrote to them about their souls and real life, the life to come)
Here are the things that Paul & Timothy sought for their friends
(Letter to the Colossians 1:9-14)
…We have not stopped praying for you and asking God
to FILL YOU WITH KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WILL
Through SPIRITUAL WISDOM & UNDERSTANDING
And we pray that you LIVE A LIFE WORTHY OF THE LORD
And that you may PLEASE HIM in every way
And BEAR FRUIT in every good work
And GROW in the knowledge of God
Being STRENGTHENED with all power
according to His Glorious Might
So that you may have GREAT ENDURANCE & PATIENCE,
And JOYFULLY GIVE THANKS to the Father,
who QUALIFIED YOU TO SHARE in the inheritance of
the saints in the Kingdom of Light.
For He has RESCUED US from the dominion of darkness;
And BROUGHT US into the KINGDOM of the SON, He loves
In whom we have REDEMPTION, and FORGIVENESS of sins
What if our New Years resolutions started with the health of our souls? What if truly prayed to seek first, the Kingdom of God? (before the long list of physical changes we want to see?)
Lord Jesus, give us wisdom for what You want to do in our lives in 2009; give us the courage to live out what You show us. Put a hunger for spiritual renewal in our lives.
Col 1:9-14, personalized, My Prayer for 2009
Thank You for the gift of knowing You, Help me know You more
Thank You for the gift of Your Spirit, Help me grieve You less
Thank You for redeeming us Help me remember Your Sacrifice
Thank You for forgiving us, Help me forgive whole-heartedly
Help me remember, as I go through each day in 2009,
all that You have done;
all that You are doing in this instant;
all that You will CONTINUE to do... till we are together face-to-face!
~Perhaps he secretly wished they’d loose a few pounds, get to the gym, stop smoking, get organized, spend time with family, bathe more, curse less...
(but he did not write to them about that.)
~Perhaps he hoped that they’d get their finances in order, stop seeking jumbo loans, tear up their credit cards, start shopping at Walmart, and sell the boat....
(but he didn’t tell them that.)
~Perhaps, because Paul saw that time here is fleeting, finite, and filled with trouble, he chose instead to focus on what truly matters... eternal stuff...
(he wrote to them about their souls and real life, the life to come)
Here are the things that Paul & Timothy sought for their friends
(Letter to the Colossians 1:9-14)
…We have not stopped praying for you and asking God
to FILL YOU WITH KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WILL
Through SPIRITUAL WISDOM & UNDERSTANDING
And we pray that you LIVE A LIFE WORTHY OF THE LORD
And that you may PLEASE HIM in every way
And BEAR FRUIT in every good work
And GROW in the knowledge of God
Being STRENGTHENED with all power
according to His Glorious Might
So that you may have GREAT ENDURANCE & PATIENCE,
And JOYFULLY GIVE THANKS to the Father,
who QUALIFIED YOU TO SHARE in the inheritance of
the saints in the Kingdom of Light.
For He has RESCUED US from the dominion of darkness;
And BROUGHT US into the KINGDOM of the SON, He loves
In whom we have REDEMPTION, and FORGIVENESS of sins
What if our New Years resolutions started with the health of our souls? What if truly prayed to seek first, the Kingdom of God? (before the long list of physical changes we want to see?)
Lord Jesus, give us wisdom for what You want to do in our lives in 2009; give us the courage to live out what You show us. Put a hunger for spiritual renewal in our lives.
Col 1:9-14, personalized, My Prayer for 2009
Thank You for the gift of knowing You, Help me know You more
Thank You for the gift of Your Spirit, Help me grieve You less
Thank You for redeeming us Help me remember Your Sacrifice
Thank You for forgiving us, Help me forgive whole-heartedly
Help me remember, as I go through each day in 2009,
all that You have done;
all that You are doing in this instant;
all that You will CONTINUE to do... till we are together face-to-face!
Paul, A Continue-er
9 days into 2009.
Don't worry, I’m NOT going to ask you how you’re doing with your resolutions. Let’s just say, it's exciting to start new things, and tough to continue. Often enthusiasm wanes as progress plateaus and resolve weakens.
Starting is fun....Continuing is hard. Wouldn't you agree?
Getting a new filing system together is gratifying. Continuing to put papers away at the end of each day gets progressively harder. The spirit is willing, but, heavens to Mergatroid, the flesh is so weak! When we get busy, tired, and cranky we just want to let ourselves off the hook, don’t we?
Do you have a friend who is a continue-er, someone who goes the distance without complaint? I know of one... a Hero of mine actually…
The Apostle Paul, an amazing continue-er.
Paul knew that he had received an urgent God-given calling; yet he spent a lot of time W A I T I N G, in cold, dank prison cells. Still, we never see him fretting or plotting an elaborate escape. Instead of questioning God, he was obedient and bloomed where ever God chose to plant Him. Paul wrote letters and much of what he wrote became part of The New Testament. Even now, almost 2000 years later, eyes are opened and minds renewed because of Paul's pen.
God made eternal use of Paul's "apparent downtimes."
By nature, Paul was a do-er, not a wait-er. In his youth, he was a prominent Pharisee, a relentless over-achiever ... especially when it came to hunting down Christians. But, a face-to-face meeting with the Risen Christ changed all that. He put his own will aside and became a slave to God’s Will. He determined to do only what God directed Him to do… nothing else. After his conversion, Paul spent the rest of his life pouring himself out like a drink offering, on God's altar, pouring the love and knowledge of Christ out into the then-known world.
Paul looked UP, not around. He continued to fight the good fight till he took his last breath. Lord, make us like Paul, teach us to trust You... even when we don't know what You are doing. Bring glory to Your Name, by teaching us to walk in faith with You. Bring strength and stamina to our Christian walk in 2009.
This year, continue to grow us in the things that matter to YOU.
Conform us and CONTINUE to work Your Good Will in us.
Don't worry, I’m NOT going to ask you how you’re doing with your resolutions. Let’s just say, it's exciting to start new things, and tough to continue. Often enthusiasm wanes as progress plateaus and resolve weakens.
Starting is fun....Continuing is hard. Wouldn't you agree?
Getting a new filing system together is gratifying. Continuing to put papers away at the end of each day gets progressively harder. The spirit is willing, but, heavens to Mergatroid, the flesh is so weak! When we get busy, tired, and cranky we just want to let ourselves off the hook, don’t we?
Do you have a friend who is a continue-er, someone who goes the distance without complaint? I know of one... a Hero of mine actually…
The Apostle Paul, an amazing continue-er.
Paul knew that he had received an urgent God-given calling; yet he spent a lot of time W A I T I N G, in cold, dank prison cells. Still, we never see him fretting or plotting an elaborate escape. Instead of questioning God, he was obedient and bloomed where ever God chose to plant Him. Paul wrote letters and much of what he wrote became part of The New Testament. Even now, almost 2000 years later, eyes are opened and minds renewed because of Paul's pen.
God made eternal use of Paul's "apparent downtimes."
By nature, Paul was a do-er, not a wait-er. In his youth, he was a prominent Pharisee, a relentless over-achiever ... especially when it came to hunting down Christians. But, a face-to-face meeting with the Risen Christ changed all that. He put his own will aside and became a slave to God’s Will. He determined to do only what God directed Him to do… nothing else. After his conversion, Paul spent the rest of his life pouring himself out like a drink offering, on God's altar, pouring the love and knowledge of Christ out into the then-known world.
Paul looked UP, not around. He continued to fight the good fight till he took his last breath. Lord, make us like Paul, teach us to trust You... even when we don't know what You are doing. Bring glory to Your Name, by teaching us to walk in faith with You. Bring strength and stamina to our Christian walk in 2009.
This year, continue to grow us in the things that matter to YOU.
Conform us and CONTINUE to work Your Good Will in us.
1/7/09
LOOKING UP
Wow, I just saw something when I looked at yesterday's blog:
When the focus was centered on me... my thoughts, and all the uncertain circumstances of this New Year... a deafening cry of doom shouted off the page. As I re-read the first part of it just now, I could feel my heart racing and doubt creeping in again, yiikes.
Also, just noticed that in the first half of yesterday's blog, most of the sentences start with "I" and explore my stuff, the current "realities" of my life. Nothing I wrote is exaggerated, untrue, or embellished; I am broke and unemployed. But, obviously this is not where my thoughts need to anchor. I want to keep my eyes focused on God and my feet grounded in His Promises ... not my fleeting feelings or a swirling set of "what ifs." He will direct my path. And knowing that He is a God who does what He says He will do restores peace to my soul.
Things started looking up, as soon as, I started looking up!
I wound up having an amazing day yesterday. As I began writing down what I know to be TRUE about God, He lifted me up and I mean that literally a heaviness left my spirit. He rescued me from the quicksand of my negative thoughts. He even allowed me to be an encouragement in someone else's life yesterday. Amazing!
When my focus shifted from putting 'poor me' first, to putting powerful GOD FIRST, everything changed!
O, circumstances may remain the same, but minds focused on Jesus cannot stay the same. Thoughts of His Character, His Loving-kindness, all that He has done... this brings back the joy of living...living in the light of His Promises, that's where real life is found.
Reading Romans 8 yesterday transformed my thinking. I read and re-read and asked God to speak and strengthen me through the Truth of His Word. The Word of God is powerful it is life-changing. It does not return void, He promised.
What am I talking about here?
Well, it is NOT the power of positive thinking, or some New Age philosophy. It is NOT something that you can work up or drink down. It is the power of The Holy Spirit, the same power that raised Jesus from the dead, alive and active, at work inside believers!
Why do we keep forgetting that we have this gift inside of us?
Why don't we always live like this is True?
Why are we so lukewarm and "reality" focused?
Wake us UP, Lord, make Romans 8:11 our true reality:
"And if The Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you!"
When I think of who I am, let my first thought be that I am Yours and Your Spirit lives in me! (not that I am unemployed or financially struggling or older or less energetic, all that is temporal) Keep me focused on Your Eternal Truths. Where am I headed with You? How are You changing me, teaching me, expanding the part of me that will be with You forever?
Keep us looking UP, ever-expecting YOU to break in and perform a miracle. Teach us to watch, wait, LOOK FOR YOUR HAND in all things. Teach us to walk by faith in the light of Your Love. That is my heart's desire.
"I will walk by faith, not by sight, 'cause I can't see straight in the broad daylight.
I will walk by faith, not be fear, 'cause I believe in The One who brought me here."
When the focus was centered on me... my thoughts, and all the uncertain circumstances of this New Year... a deafening cry of doom shouted off the page. As I re-read the first part of it just now, I could feel my heart racing and doubt creeping in again, yiikes.
Also, just noticed that in the first half of yesterday's blog, most of the sentences start with "I" and explore my stuff, the current "realities" of my life. Nothing I wrote is exaggerated, untrue, or embellished; I am broke and unemployed. But, obviously this is not where my thoughts need to anchor. I want to keep my eyes focused on God and my feet grounded in His Promises ... not my fleeting feelings or a swirling set of "what ifs." He will direct my path. And knowing that He is a God who does what He says He will do restores peace to my soul.
Things started looking up, as soon as, I started looking up!
I wound up having an amazing day yesterday. As I began writing down what I know to be TRUE about God, He lifted me up and I mean that literally a heaviness left my spirit. He rescued me from the quicksand of my negative thoughts. He even allowed me to be an encouragement in someone else's life yesterday. Amazing!
When my focus shifted from putting 'poor me' first, to putting powerful GOD FIRST, everything changed!
O, circumstances may remain the same, but minds focused on Jesus cannot stay the same. Thoughts of His Character, His Loving-kindness, all that He has done... this brings back the joy of living...living in the light of His Promises, that's where real life is found.
Reading Romans 8 yesterday transformed my thinking. I read and re-read and asked God to speak and strengthen me through the Truth of His Word. The Word of God is powerful it is life-changing. It does not return void, He promised.
What am I talking about here?
Well, it is NOT the power of positive thinking, or some New Age philosophy. It is NOT something that you can work up or drink down. It is the power of The Holy Spirit, the same power that raised Jesus from the dead, alive and active, at work inside believers!
Why do we keep forgetting that we have this gift inside of us?
Why don't we always live like this is True?
Why are we so lukewarm and "reality" focused?
Wake us UP, Lord, make Romans 8:11 our true reality:
"And if The Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you!"
When I think of who I am, let my first thought be that I am Yours and Your Spirit lives in me! (not that I am unemployed or financially struggling or older or less energetic, all that is temporal) Keep me focused on Your Eternal Truths. Where am I headed with You? How are You changing me, teaching me, expanding the part of me that will be with You forever?
Keep us looking UP, ever-expecting YOU to break in and perform a miracle. Teach us to watch, wait, LOOK FOR YOUR HAND in all things. Teach us to walk by faith in the light of Your Love. That is my heart's desire.
"I will walk by faith, not by sight, 'cause I can't see straight in the broad daylight.
I will walk by faith, not be fear, 'cause I believe in The One who brought me here."
1/6/09
Still Waiting
So, here we are in the 1st productive “work week” of a New Year.
But, HELLO, reality check: I am NOT working.
And, the thought of finding a new place in the world brings on a cold sweat. I need to move forward, find a job; but, today fear has a grip on my feet and it won't release them.
I try to visualize myself working in an office again....fluorescent lights overhead and beige padded cubicles all around...is that one mine? 12 spaces down & 2 rows over? Or, maybe I'll be setting out in my car to make sales calls again. I try to imagine driving some where, but all I see is a black hole. Maybe I'll win the lottery and never have to work again... unlikely, I do not play the lottery!
No, Stop fantasizing and procrastinating. Get a Grip! Prayerfully send 5 resumes before you do anything else. Trust God with your whole heart; don't lean on your own mind. I used to love that verse; but, this year I'm finding it's much harder to do it, than to memorize it.
(Trust me on this...blind trust, walking by faith...I get it; but some days its just plain 'hard' to live it!)
I don't have a clue how 2009 will unfold and what will come into my life... and flow out of it.
But, I DO KNOW that God knows. He knows it all, no worries.
And, I DO TRUST Him... But, Lord... Help me trust You MORE!
Come on now, take stock, you're ok, still in good shape, "sharp, clean, all the original parts still in working order" (even though I am past the 50K-mileage warranty!) There are newer, edgy-er models out there and they will be competing for the same employer attention. Bring me Your Wisdom, Lord. They have I-phones, wii's, and flat stomachs. They can kick my butt at Guitar Hero, and text faster than I can think...but I know You, and You help me. I don't have to be afraid. You make well-worn paths straight.
Lord, I don't have to tell You how I vacillate between thinking that I am a wise highly-skilled woman and a split-second later thinking that I am a compleeete loooser. You already know all about me.
But, I will sit with You and tell You anyway, because Your Word says that You want me to (and because it helps so much to know, that I'm known by You.) This season of waiting will pass. You will put me where You want me, if I stay yielded to You. That’s really all I want too. Keep me in Your Will, I don't seem to know anything... anymore.
Wait, that's not true, I do still know a few things:
~When I am still, and I wait, and quiet my racing mind, I do know...
God is real
~I know for sure that God holds me in the palm of His Hand
God is peace
~I know for sure I can look back and see God has never let me down
God is faithful
~I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I can rest in His Promises.
God is truth
~I know He definitely has a plan for my life; He has not forgotten me;
God is present
~I know that Jesus died for me and lives to intercede for me
God is LOVE beyond all comprehension
God, You said that You would never leave us or forsake us.
God, You are my very present help, guide my thoughts.
God, You are a Loving, Faithful, Miracle-working God.
God, You are the Architect, You hold the blueprint of my life.
God, You know me better than I know myself.
God, You are my Hope. I surrender to YOU.
Teach me to walk by faith!
God's Word is a Lifeline for those who WAIT:
“Meanwhile the moment we get tired in the waiting,
God’s Spirit is right alongside, helping us along.
If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter.
He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of wordless sighs…
He knows us far better than we know ourselves…
That’s why we can BE SURE that EVERY DETAIL IN OUR LIVES
of love for God, is worked into something good.”
Romans 8:26-28, from The Message
But, HELLO, reality check: I am NOT working.
And, the thought of finding a new place in the world brings on a cold sweat. I need to move forward, find a job; but, today fear has a grip on my feet and it won't release them.
I try to visualize myself working in an office again....fluorescent lights overhead and beige padded cubicles all around...is that one mine? 12 spaces down & 2 rows over? Or, maybe I'll be setting out in my car to make sales calls again. I try to imagine driving some where, but all I see is a black hole. Maybe I'll win the lottery and never have to work again... unlikely, I do not play the lottery!
No, Stop fantasizing and procrastinating. Get a Grip! Prayerfully send 5 resumes before you do anything else. Trust God with your whole heart; don't lean on your own mind. I used to love that verse; but, this year I'm finding it's much harder to do it, than to memorize it.
(Trust me on this...blind trust, walking by faith...I get it; but some days its just plain 'hard' to live it!)
I don't have a clue how 2009 will unfold and what will come into my life... and flow out of it.
But, I DO KNOW that God knows. He knows it all, no worries.
And, I DO TRUST Him... But, Lord... Help me trust You MORE!
Come on now, take stock, you're ok, still in good shape, "sharp, clean, all the original parts still in working order" (even though I am past the 50K-mileage warranty!) There are newer, edgy-er models out there and they will be competing for the same employer attention. Bring me Your Wisdom, Lord. They have I-phones, wii's, and flat stomachs. They can kick my butt at Guitar Hero, and text faster than I can think...but I know You, and You help me. I don't have to be afraid. You make well-worn paths straight.
Lord, I don't have to tell You how I vacillate between thinking that I am a wise highly-skilled woman and a split-second later thinking that I am a compleeete loooser. You already know all about me.
But, I will sit with You and tell You anyway, because Your Word says that You want me to (and because it helps so much to know, that I'm known by You.) This season of waiting will pass. You will put me where You want me, if I stay yielded to You. That’s really all I want too. Keep me in Your Will, I don't seem to know anything... anymore.
Wait, that's not true, I do still know a few things:
~When I am still, and I wait, and quiet my racing mind, I do know...
God is real
~I know for sure that God holds me in the palm of His Hand
God is peace
~I know for sure I can look back and see God has never let me down
God is faithful
~I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I can rest in His Promises.
God is truth
~I know He definitely has a plan for my life; He has not forgotten me;
God is present
~I know that Jesus died for me and lives to intercede for me
God is LOVE beyond all comprehension
God, You said that You would never leave us or forsake us.
God, You are my very present help, guide my thoughts.
God, You are a Loving, Faithful, Miracle-working God.
God, You are the Architect, You hold the blueprint of my life.
God, You know me better than I know myself.
God, You are my Hope. I surrender to YOU.
Teach me to walk by faith!
God's Word is a Lifeline for those who WAIT:
“Meanwhile the moment we get tired in the waiting,
God’s Spirit is right alongside, helping us along.
If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter.
He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of wordless sighs…
He knows us far better than we know ourselves…
That’s why we can BE SURE that EVERY DETAIL IN OUR LIVES
of love for God, is worked into something good.”
Romans 8:26-28, from The Message
1/5/09
Pride Before The Fall
It's Monday morning, Day 5 of a Brand-New Year... So far, so good.
The Christmas decorations came down yesterday; then, moved up to the attic for an 11-month hibernation, ahhh. I love my Christmas stuff, but it feels wonderful to have it all perfectly packed away and put to bed. Early this morning, I sat on the living room sofa, with a mug of hot coffee and thought, “Wow, the house looks good! I am going to stay organized, that’s my #1 resolution! And it won’t even be difficult, because I have a plan and I’m stickin' with it. I can do this, oh yes, I CAN."
I glanced out the front window and pridefully noted that many neighbors still had Christmas lights up. Not me, I thought smugly, my new middle initial is “O” for “Organized-woman!” Then, I swung open the front door to get the newspaper and, to my horror, I saw … my Christmas wreath… attached to the flip side of the door. Oh well, just 1 oversight, no big deal.
I went to the kitchen to try to find a working pen so I could make a master list of things to do around the house. When I opened the junk drawer I saw another appalling sight... the missing green, sparkly jumbo roll of Christmas ribbon. Well, that was sure a dumb “safe-keeping place.” I remembered putting it in there for “easy accessibility” and then I guess I forgot where I put it. Well, no more of that! This year I am going to have assigned seating for everything, no random junk, just one logical, alphabetical-ordered, happy home. Yikes, where did I put the scotch tape? Oh no, I may have packed it away with the Christmas wrapping paper?
Wait! Cancel those negative thoughts and stop eyeballing those stale Christmas cookies! Throw those Christmas carbs away right now! O.k., phew, deep breaths, back in control. I decide to have a healthy hard-boiled egg instead. I will NOT use food for comfort in 2009. I am a grown-up person now, making grown-up choices. Yikes, the egg I proceed to crack, turns out not to be hard-boiled. Suddenly, gooey yellow yolk spreads out across the floor. That’s o.k., no problem-o, just whistle while you work, and clean it up. As I open the drawer, the hand towels with the furry reindeer faces smile back... mocking me….something else I forgot to pack up! I'm tempted to just throw them in the trash can.
I decide to stack all the Christmas stragglers in the corner of the room, after all, I may come across more. So much for a “place for everything, everything in its place!” What is the matter with me, for heaven's sake? YES, for heaven's sake, what are you doing girlfriend?
STOP RIGHT NOW AND PRAY! WHY ARE YOU RESISTING? ASK GOD FOR HELP, YOU OBVIOUSLY NEED IT!
Immediately, the thought I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me comes to mind. Christ offers me supernatural help for all things, (even forgotten Christmas decorations.) I think this is what Jesus really wants me to learn this year. I laugh as I see the pile of Christmas orphans amassed in the corner, what a visual! As I open God's Word, 1 Thessalonians speaks to my heart: 5:16 “Be joyful always; 17 Pray continually; 18 Give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God’s Will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Jesus, Thank you for this disastrous morning. I confess both my pride and my insecurity.
I also confess to coveting my neighbor Sue Fitz's organizational abilities and my neighbor Maureen's dedication to working out. Let this be the year that I call on Your Name for everything. Help me become the person You designed me to be. Restore my JOY and make me a PRAYING, THANKS-in-all-things, person. How foolish of me to think that I'll keep resolutions that are not rooted in You.
My 2009 Resolution? I resolve to want nothing but Your Will for me, whatever that may be, re-mind me again and again. All things through You, nothing good apart from You. Amen
The Christmas decorations came down yesterday; then, moved up to the attic for an 11-month hibernation, ahhh. I love my Christmas stuff, but it feels wonderful to have it all perfectly packed away and put to bed. Early this morning, I sat on the living room sofa, with a mug of hot coffee and thought, “Wow, the house looks good! I am going to stay organized, that’s my #1 resolution! And it won’t even be difficult, because I have a plan and I’m stickin' with it. I can do this, oh yes, I CAN."
I glanced out the front window and pridefully noted that many neighbors still had Christmas lights up. Not me, I thought smugly, my new middle initial is “O” for “Organized-woman!” Then, I swung open the front door to get the newspaper and, to my horror, I saw … my Christmas wreath… attached to the flip side of the door. Oh well, just 1 oversight, no big deal.
I went to the kitchen to try to find a working pen so I could make a master list of things to do around the house. When I opened the junk drawer I saw another appalling sight... the missing green, sparkly jumbo roll of Christmas ribbon. Well, that was sure a dumb “safe-keeping place.” I remembered putting it in there for “easy accessibility” and then I guess I forgot where I put it. Well, no more of that! This year I am going to have assigned seating for everything, no random junk, just one logical, alphabetical-ordered, happy home. Yikes, where did I put the scotch tape? Oh no, I may have packed it away with the Christmas wrapping paper?
Wait! Cancel those negative thoughts and stop eyeballing those stale Christmas cookies! Throw those Christmas carbs away right now! O.k., phew, deep breaths, back in control. I decide to have a healthy hard-boiled egg instead. I will NOT use food for comfort in 2009. I am a grown-up person now, making grown-up choices. Yikes, the egg I proceed to crack, turns out not to be hard-boiled. Suddenly, gooey yellow yolk spreads out across the floor. That’s o.k., no problem-o, just whistle while you work, and clean it up. As I open the drawer, the hand towels with the furry reindeer faces smile back... mocking me….something else I forgot to pack up! I'm tempted to just throw them in the trash can.
I decide to stack all the Christmas stragglers in the corner of the room, after all, I may come across more. So much for a “place for everything, everything in its place!” What is the matter with me, for heaven's sake? YES, for heaven's sake, what are you doing girlfriend?
STOP RIGHT NOW AND PRAY! WHY ARE YOU RESISTING? ASK GOD FOR HELP, YOU OBVIOUSLY NEED IT!
Immediately, the thought I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me comes to mind. Christ offers me supernatural help for all things, (even forgotten Christmas decorations.) I think this is what Jesus really wants me to learn this year. I laugh as I see the pile of Christmas orphans amassed in the corner, what a visual! As I open God's Word, 1 Thessalonians speaks to my heart: 5:16 “Be joyful always; 17 Pray continually; 18 Give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God’s Will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Jesus, Thank you for this disastrous morning. I confess both my pride and my insecurity.
I also confess to coveting my neighbor Sue Fitz's organizational abilities and my neighbor Maureen's dedication to working out. Let this be the year that I call on Your Name for everything. Help me become the person You designed me to be. Restore my JOY and make me a PRAYING, THANKS-in-all-things, person. How foolish of me to think that I'll keep resolutions that are not rooted in You.
My 2009 Resolution? I resolve to want nothing but Your Will for me, whatever that may be, re-mind me again and again. All things through You, nothing good apart from You. Amen
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